BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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