If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
