what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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