I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
