Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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