I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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