My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
