He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
