I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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