Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
