shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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