My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Idk if I want to put a bra on
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
