and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
