Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
