dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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