Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
