I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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