I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
