I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
