I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
