All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
