"it" just moved
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
