the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
