I'm going to jail i love you
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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