hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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