I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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