I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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