go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
