so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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