why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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