I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
