she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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