I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
