Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
