I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
