I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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