Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
