According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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