My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize