Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You ruined the universe
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
