i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you will always have a special place in my vag
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
