Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
