and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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