well you can't waste a boner
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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