it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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