We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
