I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
