woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
a search helicopter?!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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