Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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