When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
