walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
