HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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