i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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