I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
