if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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