She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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