peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
