dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
