apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
