who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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