Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
