Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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