Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
