How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
