Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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