I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your penis caused this!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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