Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it's like iHOP with fire
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
