how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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