Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dicks are not precious.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
